'We've shelled out over $9k [in repairs]': Husband's 'fragile masculinity' gets called out after he gets an impractical SUV over a much-needed minivan, wife has had enough

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    AITA for telling my husband his "fragile masculinity" is costing us money?
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    Back in late 2021, my husband Craig (M46) and I (F44) welcomed our fourth child into the world. As a result, we needed to upgrade one of our cars to something larger. We decided to trade in my super reliable Toyota RAV4 for something bigger since I was the one who drove the kids around most often.
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    I was open and ready to embrace minivan life and was planning to buy something reliable and safe, like a Honda or Kia. But Craig had his heart set on an SUV; in his mind, minivans were "too feminine." So, against my better judgment, we ended up purchasing a used 2018 Mercedes GLS 450, mainly due to his insistence. He argued that this car would offer similar space to the Kia/Honda minivans I wanted but with added luxury. Since it was priced like a loaded Honda van, we went ahead with it.
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    After two years, I can safely say we made the wrong choice. While the car does have good passenger space, it doesn't seem to have as much cargo room as those minivans. The reliability has been junk. The car has had 8 recalls during our ownership. Even when not recalled, it spends too much time at the dealership because something always seems to be broken. Some repairs have been covered under warranty, but we've still shelled out over $9k (maintenance not included). The
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    (maintenance not included). The car hasn't even racked up that many miles. Below are just some of the annoyances: • The shifting can be rough. Sometimes, I press on the gas and the car barely moves, and when it does, it's jerky.
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    • The shifting can be rough. Sometimes, I press on the gas and the car barely moves, and when it does, it's jerky. • For the past few weeks, the check engine light has been turning on randomly. • Numerous electronic issues.
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    Since the car's problems have stepped up in the past few weeks, I'm beyond fed up. I don't feel safe driving it around with my kids and I've even started getting nightmares about it stranding us in the middle of nowhere. Craig always downplays this and claims that it's normal for the car to have some issues. Making things worse somehow, Craig's sedan has started developing issues lately. It has begun to refuse to start some mornings and will sometimes shut
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    itself off when it comes to a stop sign or red light. On Saturday, I was supposed to drive our eldest to his soccer game and then take my younger kids to the doctor's office. When I turned on the Mercedes, it sounded very rough, the engine light was on, and the temperature reading was extremely wrong. I don't bother risking it and end up ubering with the kids.
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    I told Craig about it that night. He listened at first, but when I suggested selling it, he cut me off and said that he wasn't getting a van just because I wanted that. It was so combative and defensive the way he said it, and because I was so tired from the day, I lashed out. We argued it got heated and I ended up saying "Your fragile masculinity is costing our family so much money". In retrospect, maybe my tone was harsh, but he was being needlessly difficult. We haven't really spoken much sin
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    this week since I won't be touching that car. AITA? Edit - For those wondering about the car's condition, I've included the picture I took of it on Saturday when I started it up. The engine light is on and it was saying the temperature was -12°F when it was really something like 60°F
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    Context - For those wondering, this isn't the first instance of his masculinity being threatened by something minor. He also refuses lip balm and purple dress shirts among other things.
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    Deep-Egg6601 · 16h ago Fellas is it gay to have a reliable vehicle You have my sympathy Good luck 2.9K C ↑ Share ...
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    shestammie • 18h ago I don't get it. You're the primary user of the proposed car and he has his own. Even if you give in and call the car "womanly" what's his insistence that his wife - presumably a woman - doesn't drive it? 10K 10K 도 ✓ ✓ Share
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    DoubleDandelion 15h ago • Things your husband is scared of: -Mini Vans -Lip Balm -The color purple Yeah, he sounds super manly. NTA. 2.9K [ ↑ Share
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    matt_chowder • 16h ago . I got 4 daughters, 17months-7 years old. We got a Toyota Sienna 2018, preowned certified. I drive that wayyyyyyyy more than my wife does. Your husband needs to get over himself ☆ 1.6K ⇓ ç ↑ Share ...
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    Pale Height 1251 . 17h ago NTA. - The least masculine thing in the world is when a man says "But what if people don't think I'm masculine?!". Men confident in their masculinity don't give a 1.4K ✓ ✓ Share
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    FishScrumptious • 17h ago If he wanted a SUV and you wanted a minivan, I don't know why options like a Pilot or Highlander (same brands you might have been looking at but the SUV model) weren't on the table. They even have three rows, which can be great with kids and gear. There are other compromises, of course. But at the end of the day, he can also get the over himself and get a minivan. 884 ▸ ↑ Share ...
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    because a real man puts more value in his family than his pride. Since he wants to make this all about what is masculine and feminine. Never once in the history gendered roles would a of perceived real man, a family man, a protector, would ever do what your husband continues to do. He is putting his family in a car he knows is bound to leave them stranded on the side of the road because Mini vans are for girls. OP, did you marry a teenage boy? Because that's some serious teenage boy energy. 230
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    hadmeatwoof • 17h ago It's your car. Get what YOU want. If he can't drive it on a road trip, then tell him to keep the Mercedes as his car and drive it full time. He definitely has some super fragile masculinity to be so embarrassed to drive a minivan on a road trip he has to insist on his wife feeling unsafe and driving a car she doesn't like every single day. 201 201 C ↑ Share
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    • TheVaneja 18h ago NTA your husband has a very fragile sense of masculinity. Oh you told him that already. 9k+ in repairs for a 6 year old vehicle is huge it isn't normal at all. I don't claim to be an expert in vehicles but I've owned and operated older vehicles than that with a fraction of the repair costs. 174 ✓ ✓ Share

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